News from fly-over country

It's been a weather induced roller coaster here in fly-over country. First we have 50+ degrees for a few days, then it hits near rock-bottom temps with even more snow and rain. Last week the weather man - who is affectionately known as Mr. Rogers because of his delivery style - informed us that we have had the coldest, wettest winter since sometime around 1895 or so. I sent Al Gore an email, asking him when we could expect our share of that global warming, but so far haven't heard back from him. Maybe he's out buying carbon credits or something.

Two weeks ago the 5/8 had one of her tonsils out, and some work done on the inside of her nose to free up something or other to make her breath easier. I couldn't understand 3 words the doctor said. He is Asian. A great doctor, but certainly has not mastered the English language, at least pronunciation-wise. I was expecting a few days of peace and quiet. If you ever know someone to get their tonsils out in this day and age, don't expect them to not be able to talk. It seems there is some new procedure whereby they freeze the things off instead of cutting them. Speeds up the healing and all that jazz. The downside to that is the patient is able to nag talk straight away.

Over the weekend Little Sister has been feeling down. I think she had a light case of that flu thing going around.  She missed a couple of days of school and pretty much felt miserable over the weekend. She is the only one of us that didn't get a flu shot this year. I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but No. 1 Son made high honors at school. A great feat. As a reward I got him "Burnout Paradise" an XBox 360 driving game. Near as I can tell the whole purpose of the game is to drive fast, do jumps, and run into things seeing how dramatic of a wreck you can have. The 5/8 started playing with it over the weekend, and now we can't seem to pry her away. I think the kids just lost their game console.

In local news, the premier local television station, WIBW is in a bitter fight with the local cable carrier Cox Communications, over money (natch!). WIBW wants Cox to pay them a penny a day per subscriber in order to carry their regular and High-Def content. Cox doesn't want to pay them anything. The contract between the two expires at midnight on 28 February. WIBW hasn't been the best of sportsmen in the quite a while. WIBW is the CBS affiliate for this burg. And there is a CBS affiliate over in Kansas City. Cox carries both, but most of the time if you were to tune into to the KC station, you would see a black screen with white scrolling letters informing you that due to some FCC regulation, the channel is blacked out at the request of the local affiliate. Fox, NBC and ABC - all with local and KC affiliates, never had this problem. I don't know what will happen, but I'm pretty certain that Cox would rather pay the KC station for HD content, than pay WIBW anything at all. I dropped Cox over a year ago, and glad I did.

Really though, that whole situation is crap. Nobody wins. WIBW will undoubtedly lose advertisers because their market share will dwindle. Cox will lose some customers as they switch to satellite. And those that stick with Cox will lose their local CBS affiliate.

Movie Thoughts: Across The Universe

I thought this was going to be a real chick flick. I picked it up because I know the 5/8 like those kind of films. I figured it would be some sappy love story set with the turbulent 60's as the backdrop, with a killer soundtrack by The Beatles. That's what the previews let onto anyway.

Now, to be fair, it is a sappy love story, but it isn't a story so much as a musical, with a killer soundtrack of songs by The Beatles. To be honest, the imagery was engaging, and it is a lot of fun to watch a musical where you know the words to all the songs.

It is rated PG-13, and while there was inference of some drug use, it wasn't blatant, and it wasn't all "hey let's get stoned because it's good". The 5/8 and I understood when they took drugs, and the kids figured it out when it went into the drug-induced imagery; including a great segment where Eddie Izzard belts out "For the Benefit of Mr. Kite" which, if you can believe it, was last performed on the big screen by - get this - George Burns.

There was one scene where a woman's nipple was shown, but it was not in anyway obscene or vulgar. And another scene the bums of several guys were shown as they were swimming. All in all, it was not a movie that I had any problem with any of the kids watching - including Little Sister. And it made me want to listen to more Beatles tunes, and even possibly rent that 1970's hit rock-opera"Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" (you remember, with Peter Frampton and the Bee-Gees).

And, I have to add, that the drug-induced imagery did not hold a candle to the wild and wacked out imagery we get when viewing "Yellow Submarine". That is some crazy stuff man.

One size fits none

In our house, we have this large built-in cupboard. It covers and entire wall. A small wall, grant you, but still reaches from floor to ceiling and one end to the other. This is where we keep our plates and glasses and bowls and jars and pretty much everything we use for cooking save for utensils and pots & pans.

We have a enormous section of this cupboard wall dedicated to those little plastic containers that you never seem to be able to bring yourself to throw out. Butter cups, sour cream tubs, large yogurt containers, those rectangular plastic containers that a lot of sandwich meat comes in now.

In this cupboard wall, we have 132 round plastic containers. In addition, we have 178 round plastic lids.

Now, can someone PLEASE explain to me why none of the lids fit on any of the containers?

Lessons Learned

You have to remove the gunk from the bottom of your oven before you use the self-cleaning feature.

Movie Thoughts: Planet Terror

If you're old enough (like me) you'll remember the drive-ins. No, not drive throughs (sheesh, kids) but drive-ins. These were outdoor movie theaters where you'd pull up in your car, grab a tinny sounding staticy speaker from a post and hang it on your partially rolled up car window. Then look around (to make sure the manager couldn't see you) and pop open the trunk, letting out the three or four friends who managed to fit in there.

The movies at the drive-in weren't all that good. In reality, I don't know that people really went to the drive-in to watch the movie. Mostly it was to do other things. Make out, drink, cause general havoc and mayhem for the other patrons. The movies were mostly those "B" type monster films. Evil Dead, Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead. Corning writing, corny characters and completely predictable. Mostly they were older movies too, and not not such good shape. Scratches and dust marks all over the film, the sound would warble at times. But like I said, you really didn't go to the drive-in to actually view the film.

All this comes back to me now because I recently watched Robert Rodriquez's "Planet Terror". I don't know why I rented it. Probably because on the cover, Rose McGowan was sporting a MACHINE GUN FOR A LEG!!! How crazy is that? Rodriquez was one of the directors behind one of my favorite films of recent years, "Sin City", so that, along with the chick having a machine gun for a leg, made up my mind for me. The movie was a bit more than I expected. I kind of expected that whole "B" movie experience, but really, it is more like a "A" movie, masquerading as a "B" movie - complete with the dust marks and scratches and warbley audio and everything. At one point, the film melts - just like the old days. I can't remember the last time I was in a theater and the film melted. It was awesome.

The movie is utterly and completely over the top in everything it does. It starts out with a faux "Coming Attractions" trailer for a movie called "Machete" during which the announcer declares "If you hire Machete to kill the bad guy, you better make sure the bad guy isn't you." Basic storyline is thus: Bad chemical escapes, people are being turned into zombies, a rag-tag group of people are immune, end up banding together to fight their way to safety.

This isn't a movie where you are going to be surprised, just thoroughly entertained (if you like that over-the-top campy kind of stuff).

Did I mention the lady with the machine gun for a leg?

8th Grade Education

Remember when grandparents and great-grandparents stated that they only had an 8th grade education? Well, check this out. Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895?
This is the eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina , Kansas , USA . It was taken from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical Society and Library in Salina , and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th Grade Final Exam: Salina , KS - 1895

Grammar (Time, one hour)

1. Give nine rules for the use of capital letters.
2. Name the parts of speech and define those that have no modifications.
3. Define verse, stanza and paragraph
4. What are the principal parts of a verb? Give principal parts of 'lie,''play,' and 'run.'
5. Define case; illustrate each case.
6 What is punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of punctuation.
7 - 10. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time,1 hour 15 minutes)

1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. Deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. Wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3,942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts/bushel, deducting 1,050 lbs. For tare?
4. District No 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
5. Find the cost of 6,720 lbs. Coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.

 

7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. Long at $20 per metre?
8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, t he distance of which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)

1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas .
6. Describe three of the most prominent b attles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton , Bell , Lincoln , Penn, and Howe?
8. Name event s connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

 

Orthography (Time, one hour)
[Do we even know what this is??]

1. What is meant by the following: alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u.' (HUH?)
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: bi, dis-mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane , vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)

1 What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas ?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia , Odessa , Denver , Manitoba , Hecla , Yukon , St. Helena , Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall and Orinoc ..
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the incl ination of the earth.

Notice that the exam took FIVE HOURS to complete.
Gives the saying 'he only had an 8th grade education' a whole new meaning, doesn't it?!

SNOWFALL

"They can put a man on the moon, but they can't keep this white crap from falling from they sky?" - Alex P. Keaton

Actually, I love the snow. It is my firm belief that cold weather is a complete and utter waste of time without snow. And we got the snow. Truth be told, we got more snow before Christmas this year than we normally get all year long. It hasn't snowed this much here in Fly-Over Country since I was a kid. I love it. My kids are lovin' it. The 5/8 is hating it.

When I got out of bed this morning, I looked out the window to the dark, snow-covered street below, it was calm and serene looking. A neighbor had his truck running, headlights casting shadows up the street as I heard the distinctive scrape, scrape, scrape sound that can only come from a shovel, shoveling snow off concrete. It didn't look that bad. I figured the kids were going to be in school, and the 5/8 would hate it even more for having to drive in it. But, being the dutiful and generous and loving husband I am, I sneaked downstairs and fired up the web browser and hit the local news station website.

WIBW Channel 13. That is the news station that everyone turns to for closings and cancellations. Oh, the other stations have the list, and run the ticker along the bottom and read the list on air. But if you were to ask any state employee, city employee, school teacher, pastor or just about anyone else, WIBW has the de-facto official list. Sister Corita would tell us it doesn't matter what is said anywhere except Channel 13. If Channel 13 doesn't say school is closed, then school isn't closed. And for those of you who know her, you know there is no arguing with Sister Corita - ever.

I took another look out the front door window as I worked my way to my cramped little den and turned on the monitor and logged in. Still, it didn't look that bad. Opening the school closings page, I was shocked to see that the schools were closed. 'Maybe it's because it rained all day yesterday, and the streets are really slick' I though to myself 'Oh well'.

I gingerly worked my way back up the stairs. Trying to make as little noise as possible on those creaky old stairs. Told the 5/8 that school was canceled and turned her alarm off. Watching the news as I was preparing for work, they were saying we received 7 inches of snow overnight. Looking out the window, it still didn't look that deep to me. They had some young lady out in their parking lot, making snow angels and sticking a ruler in the snow. Poor kid, she was probably and intern, they get the worst assignments. She measured 9 inches with the ruler. I don't know how scientific that measurement is.

Heading out the back door towards the garage I was stunned to see how much deeper the snow looked up close and personal. Oddly, it seems our street had been plowed. We live on a wide street that I would have thought would be a priority for plowing. Back in the day, the trolley used to run down our street. Even with cars parked along both sides, two fire trucks could drive down our street side-by-side, that is how wide our street is. But until today, I don't believe our street had ever been plowed. Today it was, and that was a pleasant surprise.

I was prepared (I thought) for the drive into work. I knew that other people, even people who lived in Kansas way back when it used to snow like this all the time, didn't really exhibit the skills required for snow driving. Having lived in Alaska for around four years really taught me a lot about driving in the snow. Add to that about three years of driving my Jeep through the mountains of Colorado, I learned how to keep a vehicle moving forward with minimum traction.

The key is using the front tires to constantly seek new traction. Let's say you're at a stop sign, and you have little-to-no traction starting out; one thing that has never failed me (yet) is to turn the wheels left to right continuously. I'm not certain exactly what this does, but I do know it works. I drive that little POS Honda Insight (which is great for highway commuting, but pretty much worthless other than that) and I didn't have any problems with traction or getting stuck. The folks at work were amazed I could get in to the office in that little thing. I told them I have skills - with a z.

The worst I had to deal with was somebody driving up Huntoon St. They were scared I'm certain, being very cautions, driving about eight miles per hour. I don't have a problem with people driving slow in the snow. If they are comfortable, and I'm certain that the slower you drive, and the more confident you are behind the wheel, the safer it is for everyone. But this guy was on a four lane road, and driving down the middle of it. Taking up two lanes, going eight miles per hour. I don't know why they didn't pick a stinking lane. I know my vehicle, and I know what I can handle. I know how fast I can drive in what conditions. And I knew that I would be comfortable and safe at around 20-25 miles per hour. But this guy would not relinquish the middle of the road so that I, nor anyone stacked up behind me, could get around them.

But other than that, it was a fairly easy drive in.

Fly-over news

It turned out to be a pretty good week in the on-again-off-again-frozen-then-thawed-then-frozen area of Northeast Kansas. Mid-week we had the exciting basketball game between rivals Kansas State University Wildcats and Kansas University Jayhawks. The favored were the Jayhawks. The 'Hawks are always favored over the 'Cats. It is a much bigger school, with more funding and more national recognition, especially in basketball.

I have always felt more at ease around the KSU crowd than the KU crowd. KSU started out as a agriculture and mechanical school. And it still pretty much is. Which is probably why I like the people there better. They are less pretentious than the folks over at KU. I'm glad that KSU won that game. It seemed...I don't know...just - somehow.

That was followed by the news that No. 1 Son was promoted to Lance Corporal in his MJROTC unit, along with making the high school's Honor Roll. His grandmother took him to the Japanese restaurant to celebrate. He was excited about it all, and the food was good.

So things were going pretty well. The the Super Bowl comes around. I was rooting for the Giants because, like KU, I thought it was time for the Patriots to lose. I was getting tired of always seeing them win the Super Bowl. Call me the champion of the underdog or whatever.

No. 1 Son was rooting for the Pats. Poor kid, he was also rooting for the 'Hawks. I kept asking him, as the seconds ticked away at the end of the game what it felt like to back two losers in the same week. He did a horrible job of trying to deflect my taunting. I know he felt bad because I'm pretty certain he chose those teams specifically because I hadn't chosen them.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; the Internet is such a wonderful creation. The best friend I have in the world I met while working in Alaska. He is now in North Dakota, while I'm stuck here in Kansas. But that didn't keep us for watching the Super Bowl together (if even virtually). We fired up the computers and IMed the hell out of each other, commenting on commercials and plays. It was almost-but-not-quite exactly like sitting right next to him - except, him being in North Dakota, and me being in Kansas, he couldn't drink all my beer!

The city council here in Topeka is still in somewhat hot water regarding their actions (hey, there's a surprise, someone finally catches on that the council is full of a bunch of corrupt pinheads). A couple of years ago, the citizens of this city, fed up with the crap the council and mayor were heaping upon us, voted to change the city charter to convert the government to a city manager form. We still have the council and we still have the mayor, but the city is pretty much run by the manager (and not very well, I might add) with the big decisions (the ones that affect our pocketbooks) being made by the council.

The council voted to approve several things, a new over-priced, under performing computer system, a raise in court fees, a (second) new helicopter for the police department, which the mayor vetoed (and rightly so). These were expenditures which were unnecessary, and generously unpopular with the citizens. Greater than 80% of citizens that weighed in on the matters didn't want these things that the council approved anyway. After the mayor vetoed the bills, the council voted and overturned the vetoes.

While all that seems normal on the surface, the problem lies in that the new city charter does not specify that the council has any authority to override a mayoral veto. This is a bad thing. The mayor, in essence, has the ability to squash any legislation the council comes up with, and there is nothing the council can do about it. The good part of it is that the city may be forced to back out of all of these stupid deals that were made, thus saving the average Joe taxpayers millions of dollars.

Love the Zune

I love music. All kinds of music. I seriously cannot think of a time or situation, where music would be unwelcome. Sure, certain types of music are better for certain situations, but on the whole, music is always welcome where ever I happen to be. Its a tough question when someone asks me  "What kind of music do you like." My usual reply is "All kinds." From Hank Williams (Sr) to Dire Straits, to Led Zeppelin, to Thelonius Monk to Count Basi, to Christina Aquilera, to Glen Miller to Mozart and Beethoven and their crowd and on and on.

I will admit that usually the radio station in the car is tuned to country music. But not exclusively. Many times I switch on over to the rock station, or the soul station. The problem with radios is, you only get one genre of music at a time. Then you have to go in search of something else if you don't want that particular genre any longer. Albums err, I mean CDs are the same way. They are not only one genre, but mostly one artist. That is what I love about having a media player. I hadn't thought about it before. If I had, I probably would have gotten one a long, long time ago. One great thing about having the media player is I have the ability to quickly and easily load pretty much whatever I want to hear at any particular time. Most decent ones (1GB and up) will hold hours and hours of music. Music that you have ready access too. Sometimes, I like to simply turn on the 'shuffle' mode, and start it to play everything in my collection (that's a ton of songs people). I do get sometimes a bit annoyed at some song I happen to have that isn't one I wanted to listen to at the time, but mostly, I get surprised by songs I may have not listened to for a long time.

And heck, I haven't even really gotten into the whole "podcast" thing yet. But I'm certain I will before too long. It just seems too easy not to do it.